Is my boyfriend a player?

Dating and body language expert Katia Loisel-Furey answers your questions

Q. I’ve been seeing this amazing guy for a couple of months, and he’s hot and charming but just doesn’t seem to have time for a relationship. He doesn’t call or text when he says he will, make time for us or introduce me to his friends, and my friends have labelled him a ‘player’. How can I know if he is? – Stefanie, Coffs Harbour

The player – master of the pick-up and the dating equivalent of Jekyll and Hyde: gorgeous, bold and an absolute charmer one minute and missing in action the next. So how do you tell the difference between a player and a keeper before becoming emotionally invested? The good news is that the signs are crystal clear. The bad news is that when you’re head over heels, you may not be able to see them.

The release of dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin in the early stages of attraction causes havoc with our nervous system, making us temporarily infatuated and blinded to even the most glaringly obvious. So, keep your eyes peeled for these surefire signs that he’s not really into you and you’ll never again bend over backwards trying to win over a guy who’s won’t love you back.

Signs he’s not into you

• He’s always too busy to see you, doesn’t want to make plans (just in case), stands you up or doesn’t call or text when he says he will.
• Deep and meaningfuls are out. He doesn’t want to talk about your relationship or where it’s going (or not going).
• He doesn’t introduce you to his friends or isn’t interested in meeting yours.
• He introduces you as a ‘friend’.
• He makes you feel as though he’s doing you a favour by spending time with you.
• He’s hot and cold, making you feel fantastic one second and unworthy the next.
• It’s a one-way relationship and you find yourself making all the plans and ‘filling in the blanks’ for the both of you.

One-sided relationships just don’t work, so if any of these points look familiar and you’re sick of making a million excuses for why things aren’t perfect … yet (he’s been hurt, lost his phone or his mother didn’t love him), stop! You deserve much better and when you finally meet that guy who’d do anything for you and who makes your heart and stomach flip, you’ll know that you’ve found a keeper.

Katia is a dating and body language expert, author and host of The Love Shack TV.

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